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Joel and Lisa Conley’s life together started much like a romantic boy-meets-girl love story. Joel was teaching high school and Lisa was working as Central Church’s Missions Secretary when the two crossed paths in a Sunday school class. Joel admits he was interested in Lisa from the beginning and Lisa playfully adds that she always thought Joel was “cute”.
It wasn’t until a summer barbeque that the two really made a connection. “There was a ‘bring-your-own meat’ party and Joel only brought a container of chicken,” Lisa laughs. “I felt so sorry for him because he didn’t know how to cook it.” The two spent the afternoon talking and things “just clicked” as Joel describes.
They began dating in August 2000. By the second date, Joel knew he cared too much for Lisa not to be forthcoming with her. There was much about his past that needed to be shared. Little did Joel realize that God had prepared Lisa ahead of time that she would accept his story with a compassionate heart.
Joel grew up in Missouri in a Christian home. His father often worked long hours which left little opportunity for a close father-son relationship to develop. Joel struggled to connect with his dad and in turn became very close—overly bonded in fact—to his mother. Although this dynamic felt completely normal, Joel now recognizes that he failed to separate from his mother as he grew older—a process little boys must go through as they approach adolescence.
When Joel reached the tween years, he excelled in sports which bolstered his confidence in many ways. This personal success was offset, however, by a more insecure side building within him. Joel craved male affirmation. As puberty progressed, he could not deny the developing attraction he felt for older, father-like figures in his life.
Because of his strong Christian background, Joel was conflicted over these feelings. “The fact that my attraction was to men 10 to 20 years older—and not toward my peers—really threw me,” Joel explains, “and caused me not to identify myself with homosexuals.” His feelings continued throughout high school and into college, even as Joel dated girls.
In college, Joel immersed himself in Christian culture—going to church, attending Sunday school, and surrounding himself with Christian friends. Severe anxiety overwhelmed him in his early to mid-twenties. The war between what Joel knew was God’s will and his fleshly same-sex attractions were eating away at him internally.
Joel spent years praying the feelings would go away. When they didn’t, he finally settled into identifying himself as a “gay Christian”. He approached a lesbian college professor who encouraged him to explore and accept his same-sex attraction from a worldly perspective. After a semester of struggling, Joel decided to “come out” to some of his closest friends and family members.
“You don’t have to take on this identity. God doesn’t have a homosexual identity for you,” said one of his closest friends. These were tough words for Joel to hear. But wanting to know if there were other options, he attended a Restoration group at Central Church for men and women struggling with homosexuality. He also attended a similar conference sponsored by Exodus International.
Joel attributes his life journey toward restoration to the power of prayer, discovering God’s grace through Jesus Christ, and the support of his friends and family. “I know now it was God’s grace that kept me from ever acting upon my sinful desires,” explains Joel. As bits and pieces of his core masculinity began to surface, he realized he could break his tendency to identify as homosexual.
Although Joel resolved that he was going to follow the Lord even if his attractions never changed, he began praying for God to bring a soul mate into his life—someone he could love and with whom he could share a good life. After almost a year of dating, Lisa and Joel were engaged and finally married in March 2002. As God designed, Lisa has always had a heart for people who struggle with homosexual issues and volunteered with an organization called Love in Action. She believes that God placed this compassion within her to prepare her all this time for Joel.
 Joel and Lisa stand firm in the truth of their testimony when asked about claims that Joel is in denial or that he never really entered the world of homosexuality (because he didn’t act upon his desires). They want people to know there are no off-limit issues with God—even sexual orientation. “The bondage of homosexuality is extremely powerful,” Joel admits, “and Satan certainly wants you to head down that road. To feel like there’s no way out.”
Joel believes he was able to break this bondage because of his openness. He continues, “Be open to God’s Word and looking at the Christian literature. Be open to a God who works outside the lines of what worldly wisdom would have you believe.”
Joel and Lisa hope their testimony will glorify God by encouraging men and woman who are struggling with homosexuality. “There are testimonies out there,” he resolves, “of real love…real attraction. There is freedom in Christ to choose, to struggle, and to find victory.”
The Conley’s currently live in Germantown with their three children, Ella (5), Charlie (3), and Grace (born 1/15/09).
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